Return from hibernation

Its been a year since I joined my new (now old!!!??)work place. I awe myself looking back all these epoch. Somehow I have managed to strive in a field which I once hated to enter. Though I am not a great Connoisseur in my current field now, I still keep my day to day office life as rudimentary as I can. People around have started realizing my presence gradually. The first 3 months I was truant to all the technical mails shot to my team just letting it pass to others. Slowly I started replying sporadically. Though I could not fathom the whole technology, I still try my best to the fullest. Initially emails were responded sluggishly by seniors who look upon me as a nemesis. Only person who would show some endearment was my Team Leader.

At a time I felt I am impotent to compete and cope up with my colleagues. But after all the fear of survival keeps me going. Whether I learned to survive, I did have a satisfaction of earning a great person in my Team Leader. He is a philosopher and guide to me in all aspects of my life. I don’t think I would get a better person like him as my boss anymore. I am always grateful to him for all he has done to me.

My friends were dumbstruck to see me in this field as they knew me better. I realize that I have started to look upon my life seriously than before. Though I am an extrovert to the core I can feel myself not spawning much hilarious but mediocre jokes these days. I hate to be like this and fear this would continue. Gone are those days in school where we care nothing and lead a less complicated life. I know we all would like to empower the nuances to go back to our past if we really can. I ask myself did I choose the life I wanted to? Am I really happy or pretending to be? Has my search ended?

Is it going to be the same forever? Though the last one requires the power of intuition, I still cannot find an answer. Or is it that if we find a solution for all these questions, the search for life ends???

I am not philosophical but tend to hear it once in a while. All I could say from what I learnt is believe in yourself. Whatever happens in life is for some reason (sounds similar -chaos theory????). We may be dwelling on the same issue if its bad and affected us mentally. I have just learnt to look at the same issue after some time but with more confidence. Even if I cannot stop things from happening, I could still ameliorate my future as better as I can.

So there is a choice.

Its we who choose it. No one is thrusting us in. After passing many phases of life from childhood, school, college, higher studies and work, the time to enter the next phase which is crucial and vital of all -marriage. Being a bachelor I always had the freedom to lead and enjoy my life until now. But now a small fear creeps in. Would my life partner be more of a friend and support me throughout my life? Will she be a hurdle to my usual life style? I have seen my friends change drastically after marriage. Their current voice carries too much of responsibility as their decisions depend on their life partners. I used to mock them but how long am I going to escape from falling into the same situation. All these queries were answered on my trip to India last month. Yes, I found the person Iam going to share my rest of my life with. Slowly my fears of my marital life seems to disappear.

If I really continue writing this blog for a few more years, I will know how far I have changed or life has

changed me. I am very much curious to know all of it immediately being an impatient fellow at times. Here I wait for more changes in my life...........